


Walk on memories

by gusulanbaby (bigleosis)



Series: sEXOrgasmic week 2021 | Seven Deadly Sins [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Confused Minseok, Day 4, Doubt, Dreams, M/M, Minseok centric, Priest Minseok, XiuChen best friends, doubt about his choices in life, sEXOrgasmic week 2021, selfdoubt, sloth - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28591053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigleosis/pseuds/gusulanbaby
Summary: Minseok was caught in his feelings, in the emotions, he felt while he was taken apart slowly by them. He had never felt like this before, nothing came close to the want, the desire that burnt in his body, the need to be touched, to be taken care of … gone was the loneliness that had taken over his heart and his soul. Nothing of it was left under the persistent caresses of his partners. Minseok was able to let himself fall, being held by them, taken care of him, them taking away everything that bothered him, that made him worry, that made him feel anything but coveted.Lips sealed over his, luring his tongue back into another dance, another game of tag, while another mouth moved over his chest, his stomach. Minseok moaned into the kiss, letting himself glide deeper into the sensation.His body was alight like never before.Minseok wanted, desired, for it to never end.
Series: sEXOrgasmic week 2021 | Seven Deadly Sins [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094927
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	Walk on memories

**Day 04 | Sloth**

**dreams | confession |** hesitation **| family/home**

**Walk on memories**

_Relentless lips were pressed against his and Minseok moaned loudly. Burning hands were travelling over his body, finding all his sensitive and sweet spots, making him feel desired. The arousal thrumming through his body was burning like flames, like the fires of hell itself._

_Minseok let himself fall into that desire, giving in, his own hands pressing against the other body, searching, exploring, feeling the feverish skin underneath his palms. He hooked his leg over the other bodies hip, bringing them even closer, while their tongues started to explore each other’s mouth. They were pressing, prodding, teasing. Minseok licked at the other’s teeth, gracing their lower lip with them, sucking it between it, which made the other groan._

_Minseok let his fingers dance over the heated skin of their back, ravelling in the feeling how the muscles moved beneath the tips of his fingers. How they danced, twitched, tensed, relaxed, how they shifted with every feather-light touch of Minseok._

_He was about to bury his face against the other’s throat, he wanted to taste the skin there, wanted to feel it’s softness and texture, wanted to leave marks that stayed for days, that made it visible that he had been there, that he had enjoyed himself thoroughly. Minseok let go of the lip between his teeth, his movements sluggish, fingers burying in dark short locks when someone pressed against him from behind._

_Another hot body, burning with desire, with want … with lust. Another pair of hands started to roam over his sides, his chest, his stomach and Minseok wasn’t able to hold back the moan that fell from his lips. His head dropped back against the others shoulder, exposing his neck to his first partner’s lips who readily took advantage of that. Minseok fell against the body behind him, was pressed into it from the one in front of him until there wasn’t a bit of his back or his thighs that weren’t touching the other. Hands wrapped around his thighs, prying them open slowly so that the body at his front could slip between them easily._

_Minseok was caught in his feelings, in the emotions, he felt while he was taken apart slowly by them. He had never felt like this before, nothing came close to the want, the desire that burnt in his body, the need to be touched, to be taken care of … gone was the loneliness that had taken over his heart and his soul. Nothing of it was left under the persistent caresses of his partners. Minseok was able to let himself fall, being held by them, taken care of him, them taking away everything that bothered him, that made him worry, that made him feel anything but coveted._

_Lips sealed over his, luring his tongue back into another dance, another game of tag, while another mouth moved over his chest, his stomach. Minseok moaned into the kiss, letting himself glide deeper into the sensation._

_His body was alight like never before._

_Minseok wanted, desired, for it to never end._

_When lips wrapped around his hard cock, he buried one hand in the other’s hair, holding him down while the one behind him started to kiss down the side of his neck, leaving a trail of burning pleasure behind. The tongue pressing against his cock felt like pure agony and a blessing at the same time, making the hair on Minseok’s arms rise from the electric feeling that ran up and down his spine. A broken moan fell from his lips at the onslaught of lust._

_Another hand wrapped around one of his thighs, lifting his leg, placing it over the shoulder of the person between his legs, careful fingers starting to prod at his entrance. Minseok whined in the back of his throat, lips mouthing at his neck, biting him when a finger was pushed in._

Minseok woke with a gasp, bolting upright in his bed.

He still could feel the bodies pressed against his own, the faint brush of lips against his neck, the wet lips wrapped around his aching erection. His breath was coming in harsh pants, body feeling feverish after such a vivid dream. There was still desire burning through him, the desire to come, to fall over the edge, to relive that feeling of coming, the whiteness, the emptiness, the endless bliss.

But it had been taken from him and shame washed through Minseok. He had forsworn such feelings, such desires when he became a priest and it had never been a problem until recently. Until that night when he had run into that couple on his way home from a house visit at one of the members of their church.

Since that day Minseok was haunted by this kind of dreams. At first, it had just been one person he had been falling for and taking his pleasure from until it turned into two recently. They never had a gender, never had faces and it wasn’t like Minseok’s body would care about that. All it wanted was the pleasure from it, the feeling, the desire that burned through him.

He wasn’t a prude by any means. Minseok had been young once, had lived his life like any other teenager, even when he had started to study theology. The decision to become a priest had come nearly two and a half years later. Minseok had found his peace and quiet within it.

Minseok never had regretted his choice. He had been happy and content with helping other people through their hard times, found his place in life. And he had been supported by his family and friends. Jongdae was still by his side which was a blessing to Minseok. They had been friends for nearly two decades now and he loved the other dearly with his chaotic and seemingly never-ending power.

They both chose very different paths for their lives and for many it was weird that a priest was best friends with an idol, but Minseok knew that Jongdae valued his down-to-earthness, that it helped him to feel grounded as well, that he never would forget his roots. Minseok was one of the few persons were Jongdae could be himself. He could talk about his wishes and dreams and his insecurities. They never felt alone with each other. But Jongdae had found someone, with whom he could share all that now.

Minseok had never doubted his faithfulness or his loyalty to God, to the church. This parish had been his home for nearly six years and he loved it, he really did.

But the last few days had shown him once again how cruel the world could be.

Jongdae had called him, crying, had told him that he and Junmyeon had been found out, that Minseok had been right all along. That Jongdae should have been more careful, that he should never have started to have an affair with a married man in the first place, that he should have been listening to Minseok, that he had been stupid and naive …

It had been a long night, Minseok driving through half of the city just to stay with Jongdae who had been crying his eyes out until he had fallen asleep on his couch. It gave Junmyeon a lot of credit in Minseok’s books that he had stayed with Jongdae until he had been there. Until he had been able to take care of his best friend.

Jongdae had been wrapped in a blanket and sleeping fitfully when he arrived and Junmyeon gave him a short rundown on what had happened. With a heavy feeling in his heart, Minseok had sat down on the couch and placed Jongdae’s head carefully in his lap, letting him sleep. It had been gut-wrenching to see the younger man like this. All his bubbliness was gone and even when he had woken up after some time he had stayed silent, only sniffling occasionally. Minseok had done his best to give Jongdae what he needed, holding him through every crying-fit, sharing his anger and sadness and being angry on his behalf.

“What will you do?” Minseok had asked in the half-darkness of Jongdae’s living room in the early hours of the morning, trying to coax some food into his best friend.

Jongdae had been silent for a long time and Minseok had thought he had fallen asleep again, but when he had answered his voice sounded sure and strong. “To be honest, I don’t know what I will do now. This, being a singer and performer, had been part of my life for eight years, Min. First I will take a break, try to reorganize my life, to collect the shards that were my career and try to put it back together and when that’s done I think I will have to talk to Myeon.” A heavy sigh had left Jongdae and he had held onto Minseok’s hand. “I love him, you know,” he whispered. “I’ve never felt like that for anyone before. But I am not sure if he wants to continue with us and if he still wants to have me after I nearly destroyed his well built and formed career. I guess that’s something only time will tell.”

Their eyes had met and Minseok had pulled Jongdae in a bone-crushing hug.

Love came in so many different forms and ways.

Minseok had learned over the years he had worked as a pastor that it meant something different for everyone. Some felt strong bonds of love with family, with friends, the feelings running deeper in some ways than others, the dedication to love always there. Others needed time to feel it, they were more hesitant because of things that had happened to them in their pasts. But when their feelings started to bloom for someone it was the most wonderful thing to witness.

It had always been easy for Minseok to love. He felt emotional bonds to many people, always drawn in by their uniqueness, by them being themself which was another aspect why Minseok loved his work. It brought him together with so many different kind of people that it was a delight and it never got boring.

For Jongdae on the other hand it had never been easy. He had gone through a lot for his career as a singer, had sacrificed even more and when he had met Junmyeon it was the first time that Minseok had seen his best friend bloom under the love and affection of another human being. Even when he was a married man, Kim Junmyeon had shown his interest in Jongdae from the second they met. It hadn’t been noticeable for many others _(which was a blessing)_ but to Minseok it had been apparent. Jongdae had been happier, more balanced, not so moody and he had started to take better care of himself. Minseok really had hoped that his best friend finally could be happy but it had been ruined once more.

With another groan, Minseok rolled himself out of bed and went to the bathroom. It was still dark outside, barely five am. The arousal from his dream was still lingering in his veins when he turned on the shower. Minseok knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so he could also get ready for the day.

The scalding hot water worked wonders on him, let the built-up tension leave his body slowly but surely and when Minseok stepped out of the stall he felt more like himself again. He dried himself and slung the towel around his hips before he brushed his teeth and blow-dried his hair.

It was cool in his room when he got dressed and when he fastened the white clerical collar in his black button-down Minseok felt a certain calmness washing down over himself. He picked up his glasses from the bedside table and left his small room that he called his in the chapel house. He walked the short way to the church and opened it with his keys.

For a short moment, Minseok feard that he would be struck by lightning from above when he entered the church. He had sinned last night and the doubt within him was still growing steadily.

It wasn’t the doubt in his faith only that made Minseok overthink his life, but he also felt lost and alone. Which was stupid because Minseok was neither. He was never alone, nor was there a reason to feel lost. At least not to the outside. There were always people around him, he had his family and Jongdae. But right now Minseok felt like he was missing something.

He took the oath five years ago and made a promise that he would serve God, to spread his message of love in the world. That he would take care of others, that he would be a good shepherd for God’s lost children.

But right now Minseok wasn’t feeling like that. Right now he was one of those lost children, one of the little sheep that had lost its flock and needed guidance.

After he had walked down the aisle and had lighted some of the candles he sank down in the front bench, looking at the altar and the cross that stood there. Minseok raked his hands over his face, another long loud sigh falling from his lips.

“Have you ever felt lost like that, Lord?” Minseok asked into the empty church. “I know that I should never doubt you but over the last days, I questioned myself more and more, wondering if I did the right thing all those years ago. If it was the right choice to become a priest of your church. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, Mylord … but why would you plague me with those dreams. Dreams that are so vivid, so lively and that feel so real? Do you want to test me? Because I can promise, you do. You really do.” Minseok let out a humourless laugh.

“You probably know that those dreams started after I ran into two gentlemen on the street … that I felt ... feel drawn towards them, even when I don’t know who they are. It showed me a part of myself that I never knew I was missing. I always thought it would be enough to be there for others, to feel their gratefulness for my help, for being a cornerstone in their lives … but … I am not so sure anymore. Is it wrong of me to want something like that? That I am even a bit jealous of Jongdae for what he has with Junmyeon? Even when it’s considered a sin? Even when they are struggling now? It bothers me a lot that I wasn’t able to protect my best friend from what he’s going through right now. That there’s nothing I can do to make him feel better.” Minseok let his head hang low, placing his folded hands on the back of his neck.

“The bible says you love all your children equally, that we shall love our next kin as we love ourselves. I try my best, Lord. I really do. But I feel like I am running in circles lately. Would it be so bad if priests would have what every human has? Someone to love, someone to come home too, someone to share their hopes and worries with? I know that I am somewhat married to you, that I chose this path freely and willingly. And I knew that it wouldn’t always be easy when I made that decision. But I hate this struggle. I really feel like I failed you when I doubt you like this, for questioning your decisions. You went through so much and yet I am sitting here, whining and complaining over my good life. About things that might not even bother or concern you.” Another sigh.

“Here’s my home, Lord. I will never break the promise I made, but sometimes you will have to bear with me and my insecurities. I am not free of them, especially when I get tempted by such vivid dreams when I get haunted by them for days. I am just a simple man, Lord. I hope you can forgive me and my doubts.” Minseok let out his breath slowly out through his hose before he lifted his head, eyes fixing back on the cross on the altar. “I will try to be better, Lord.”

He closed his eyes for a brief moment when a hand landed on his shoulder and startled the shit out of Minseok. With a yelp and wide eyes, he turned to look in the face of one of his regulars, Park Chanyeol. He had a bright smile on his face and was wearing a warm jacket as it was becoming colder and colder.

“When you try to be better than no one will ever be able to keep up with you, Kim Minseok,” he teased easily

“You scared the shit out of me Chanyeol! What are you doing here, at this early hour?”

“Are you even allowed to swear?” The taller man joked before he sat down next to Minseok on the bench. “I was on my way home from work and saw the lights. I … I could need some advice Minseok. Only if you are up for it, of course.”

“I didn’t swear,” Minseok answered with a roll of his eyes. “Of course I have time Chanyeol. What’s bothering you?”

Chanyeol skidded down a bit further in his seat. “My boss asked me to work at an event where I will probably bump into one of my ex-lovers and I am not sure what I should do … We didn’t part on very good terms, you know.”

Minseok took a low deep breath. This was the kind of things he was good with.

Giving advice and listen to others. To help them solve their problems.

“What happened?” Minseok asked.

He could see a shudder running through Chanyeol before a deep sigh left his mouth and Chanyeol started to share his story.

**Author's Note:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/gusulanbaby)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/gusulanbaby)


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